Curiosity: Unlocking the power of not already knowing

May I offer you a hypothetical mindset? Take a read and see how it lands:

I am unwilling to make mistakes. I have to be right. I need to already know what is right and good. Not only that, I need to embody those things. I need others to recognize these qualities in me. I have to eradicate what isn’t in step with what is right and good. I need to already know what will work before I attempt anything. I need to comprehend the end result prior to starting. I need to already know what and who is trustworthy.

Let’s pause here for a moment! To me, this perspective seems exhausting, if not ridiculous and inhuman. I don’t feel like I’d particularly like to spend time around someone who held that mindset. That said, it’s also familiar. I carried with me each of these beliefs for years.

Now, for the sake of compassion, I’m going to re-word the mindset:

I am afraid of making mistakes. I fear punishment or humiliation. Being wrong reveals something negative about me at my core. Learning something new is vulnerable for me. I learned that belonging and care are interrelated with my performance and achievement. Aspects of me are unworthy of attention, space, or acknowledgment. My inner dialogue is loud and judgmental. I have a hard time trying new things or starting things that I want to do. Trust doesn’t come easily to me.

Looking at this mindset from this perspective, I notice I feel more willing to hang with that person. I can see their vulnerabilities, the soft underbelly which shapes and drives some of their personal issues. This more honest framing, wrapped in less bravado, reveals that all of those rigid expectations are protective.

What if you, like me, intimately understand this mindset? What can you DO about it? While, thankfully there are many things you can do, one principal which is close to my heart is: cultivating curiosity.

Many of us have to intentionally bring curiosity back into our lives. It might have been since childhood that we felt permission to question, test, explore, or fall down. For many, not even childhood granted that kind of space or permission, so the practice of curiosity has to be introduced for the first time.

Curiosity unlocks teachability. It opens us up to both what is and what may be, rather than keeping our eyes clouded with preconceived notions. It helps us to learn and adapt. If we don’t have to already know what will happen, we can actually be present with what is going on, to let the moment show us what it actually is. Eventually, it can show us who we actually are, too, underneath all the protective patterns.

But HOW do I cultivate curiosity, you ask? Great question!

I’ll dig into practical applications in my next post.